At The Fire Station
Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is?"
Little Johnny's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.
Little Johnny replied: "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready!"
At The Gas Station
A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands. But it also lit up her arm, too! Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street. A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. Then the officer shot her. This took everyone by surprise. When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "She was too dangerous to let her run around in that state. My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."
Spielberg’s Ancient City
Steven Spielberg was filming his latest movie deep in the heart of the Amazon rain forest. The costs involved in transporting the multitude of movie making equipment to the site were immense. On top of that, he had a cast of thousands to feed and clothe. It was his most expensive production yet and he sank his entire personal fortune into the project.
The biggest expense was building an exact replica of an Ancient city in the middle of the jungle. No expense was spared to make the city authentic.
The climax of the movie was to be the complete destruction of the city in a dramatic fire. Since Spielberg planned to actually burn the city to the ground, there was only one chance to film it. He set up four cameras:
"Camera one, I want you up in the helicopter to get an overhead shot of the whole scene."
"Camera two, I want you at the edge of the clearing for a medium range shot."
"Camera three, we've built a special fireproof hut in the center of the city. You can poke the camera through a hole in the side and get a close up view from the heart of the fire."
"Camera four, I need you at the top of that hill over there to get a long range shot."
Once the cameras and actors were all in place, Spielberg himself lit the match to start the fire.
It was an amazing sight. The fire raged and roared for over an hour as the entire multi-million dollar set was completely destroyed and reduced to a smoking pile of ash.
Spielberg radioed the helicopter, "Camera one, how did it go?"
"Sorry, boss, but the smoke was so thick I couldn't see a thing. Then the smoke got into the engine of the chopper and we were forced to land. I wasn't able to get anything."
"Darn it! Well, I guess I can just use the footage from the other three cameras," Spielberg thought to himself.
"Camera two, how did it go?"
"Sorry, boss, but the downdraft from the chopper blades fanned the flames and started the bush all around us on fire. We had to run to safety and the camera was burned to a crisp."
"Argh! I guess I'll have to make do with two cameras."
"Camera three, please tell me you got the shot."
"Sorry, boss. The fireproof hut worked fine, but the lens of the camera couldn't take the heat and it melted. I didn't manage to get anything."
"I can't believe this!" cried Spielberg. "Thank God I sent that last camera up on the hill. The smoke didn't blow that way, nor was their any brush fire or heat to worry about."
He walks towards the hill, cups his hands to his mouth and hollers...
A moment later, the cameraman yells back...
"READY WHEN YOU ARE, BOSS!"
A farmer looks out his kitchen window and discovers that his barn is on fire. Very excited, he calls the fire dept screaming, "Come quick, come quick, my barn's on fire!" On the other end of the line a very experienced fire captain responds, "All right sir, calm down and tell me where you are." "Why I'm in the kitchen!" responded the farmer, Now hurry up, before my barn burns to the ground!" "No,no!" said the fire captain, "How do we get there?" The farmer pauses for a moment then asks, "Well, don't you have that big red truck any more!"
Old Man Jone’s House
The smug satisfaction of the rustic in his clear perception and shrewd reasoning is illustrated by the dialogue between two farmers meeting on the road:
"Did you hear that old man Jones's house burned down last night?"
"I ain't a mite surprised. I was goin' past there in the evenin', an' when I saw the smoke a-comin' out all round under the eaves, I sez to myself, sez I, 'Where there's smoke there must be fire.' An' so it was!"