Old-fashioned Zachary approached Lureen's father, intent upon asking him for her hand in marriage. "Sir," he blurted out, "I have an attachment for your daughter, and " "See here, young man," interrupted the parent, "when my daughter needs accessories, I'll buy them myself."
He looked deep into the eyes of the woman he loved and said, "My heart is broken. I saw you with another man yesterday."
"Oh don't be silly!" she replied, "That was just my husband, you know there's no one but you."
Sharon tells her best friend Ruth, "I've broken off my engagement to Morris."
"Oh Sharon," says Ruth, "I'm so sorry. Why?"
"Because my feelings towards Morris have changed - they just aren't the same anymore," replies Sharon.
"So tell me," whispers Ruth, "are you giving him back the engagement ring?"
"No I'm not," replies Sharon, "my feelings towards the ring haven't changed."
A young man goes to the psychiatrist and the following conversation ensued:
Patient: I have a problem doctor.I feel depressed and worthless.
Doctor: You should cut down on your drinks.
Patient: I don't drink and have never touched a drop in my life.
Doctor: You should cut down on your smoking.
Patient: I don't smoke either doctor.
Doctor: You should cut down on doing drugs.
Patient: Good heavens!! Haven't touched a drug in my entire life.
Doctor: Your problem is you have no problems!!! Get yourself a drink, learn to smoke and start doing drugs, then I’ll help you solve your problems.
No One Sees It
when you cry...
no one sees your tears.
when you are in pain...
no one sees your hurt.
when you are worried...
no one sees your stress.
when you are happy...
no one sees your smile.
But FART!! just ONE time....