Your 5 Jokes for July 28, 2012: Fatness Jokes

Favorite Bakery

An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffee cake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.

"This is a very special coffee cake," he explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning, and there in the window was a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, "Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffee cakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery. And sure enough," he continued, "the eighth time around the block, there it was!"


Helping a Friend

To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should switch to lower-fat foods; including skim milk. When she said her family would only drink whole milk, I suggested that she keep their regular container and refill it with skim milk. This worked for quite a while, until her daughter asked, one morning, whether the milk was okay.

“Sure, it’s fine," my friend answered, fearing she had been found out. “Why do you ask?"

“Because according to the bottle," the daughter explained, “this milk expired a year ago."


Lady And Gentleman

Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, "If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd stand up and let someone else sit down." "And if you were a lady," replied Roger, "you'd stand up and let four people sit down."


Ten Miles A Day

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she’s been trying to get rid of.

The blonde followed the doctor’s advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds. She then phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:

“How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"


Theater Seats

The rather broad lady showed up at the theatre just before the performance started and handed the usher two tickets. "Where's the other party?" asked the usher.

"Well," said the lady, with a blush, "you see one seat is a little small for me and rather uncomfortable so I bought two. But they're both really for me."

"Okay with me, lady," the usher replied, scratching his head. "There's just one problem. Your seats are numbers fifty-one and sixty-three."