The Family Car
Raja: Is that beautiful car yours?
Ramesh: It is and it is not.
Raja: What do you mean?
Ramesh: When it is for shopping, it is my wife's. When it is for a party, it is my son's. And when it needs petrol, it is mine.
Timmy and Leena were sitting down to eat their supper with the baby sitter when 6 year old Timmy saw the baby sitter sit down in his father's seat.
"You can't sit in my father's seat!" Timmy exclaimed.
"Your father is not home," the baby sitter replied, matter-of-factly. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss."
Leena, the 4 year old, quickly replied, "If you're the boss, you have to sit over there in Mommy's chair!"
A couple desperate to have a baby went to their priest and asked him to pray for them. "Next week I am going to Rome and while I am there I will light a candle for you," he replied.
Three years later the priest returned to his parish and went to see the young couple's house and found the wife to be pregnant and busy attending to two sets of twins. The priest felt very elated and asked the girl where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.
"He has gone away for a while," came the harried reply.
"Where has he gone," asked the priest.
She replied," To Rome, to blow the damn candle out!"
A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes. About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down. Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one. Love, Ma
Ben came from a large family. He had five sisters and three brothers.
One day he was looking through the family photo album with his mother when he noticed, in page after page, that all the children were dressed in the same colors.
He asked his mother why they were all dressed alike.
She explained, “At first, when we had just four children, I dressed you alike so we wouldn’t lose any of you. “Then," she added, “as other five came along, I started dressing you alike so we wouldn’t accidentally take one home that didn’t belong to us."
Husband and Wife jokes