A Duck in a Pharmacy
A duck walks into a pharmacy, and asks for Chapstick. The cashier says, "Cash or check?" and the duck says, "Just put it on my bill."
A Bunch of Ducks
A man is driving a pick-up truck down the road with a bunch of ducks standing in the back. A police officer pulls over the driver and informs him that he is speeding and then asks him where does he think he's going with all those ducks. The driver says that he just doesn't know what to do with them. The officer says, "Look, there's a zoo not far from here and that's where you should take them. That should take care of your problem." The man thanks the officer and drives off with the ducks. The next day the officer again sees the pick-up truck once again speeding down the road. This time, though, all the ducks in the back are standing there with sunglasses. The officer pulls over the driver over and says, "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo!" "I did that," said the driver, "but now they want to go to the beach!"
A Man and a Duck
A man and a duck are walking down the street together. Suddenly the man notices a low-flying airplane coming right for them. The man yells "DUCK!!!" and the duck looks back at the man with an angry face and yells "MAN!!!!!"
A general practitioner, an internist, and a surgeon go duck hunting. A duck flies overhead, and the GP says, “Gee, kinda looks like a duck," and shoots it. Another duck flies overhead, and the internist sights it. “Rule out pheasant, rule out goose, must be duck" he says, and shoots it. A third bird flies overhead. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Then he looks at the others. “What was that?" he asks.
A Few Inches Deep
A motorist in a Mercedes was driving through the countryside on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, having a lovely time, when he came to an area of the road that was covered with a rather large puddle of water from a previous rainstorm. Worried that he was going to damage the car and its engine in the deep water, he asked a local farmer (who just happened to be standing near the large pool of water) how deep the water was. "Arr", said the local farmer "That water only be a few inches deep!" Relieved, the motorist edged his car into the water, expecting to come out the other side in no time. Instead, as he drove in, the water came right up the side of the car, and the engine sputtered to a halt. Sitting there with the water along with and a floating weed lapping at the window, the motorist yelled at the local angrily: "I thought you said this water was only a few inches deep !!!" "Well", replied the local farmer "It only come up to the waist of them there ducks!"