Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned. The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving condolences and enjoying every minute of it, when an old friend of the contractor came up. "I'm sorry, Mary, for your trouble," offered the friend. "Did Mike leave you well fixed?" "Oh, he did!" she said. "He left me almost a half million dollars." "Well now, that's not bad for a man who couldn't read or write." "Nor swim either," added the widow.
A man walks by the sea and suddenly hears someone yelling:
- Help, help! I’m drowning, I don’t know how to swim!
He turns around, notices a man drowning, and asks:
- Parla italiano?
The drowning man says:
- Si, si! Parlo Italiano! Aiuto, per favore!
- You idiot! It would have been better for you to learn how to swim than to learn Italian.
Pull His Hair
Teacher is explaining to the student,
'If you see someone sinking in the water, you should pull his hair to save him from the water. It will be easy for you.'
Student: but sir, if it happens to you, we shouldn’t help you.
Student: because you don’t have any hair.
Saving The Drowning Woman
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man started to scream for help.A local fisherman ran up. The man gasped, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I"ll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dived into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said,
"Okay, buddy, where's my hundred?" The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law." The fisherman reached into his pocket and said...
"Just my luck! So tell me, what do I owe you?"
Two fishermen were out in their boat one day when a hand appeared out of the water.
"What's that?" asked the first fisherman. "It looks like someone's drowning."
"Nonsense," said the second. "It was just a little wave."