A Maintenance Battalion in Germany had just received a brand new Executive Officer, an Armor Major. The Major proceeded to issue new SOP directives (Standard Operating Procedures) that WOULD be followed under all circumstances. One of these directives was that NO ONE over the rank of Staff Sergeant would drive their own vehicle, that was what the lower enlisted were for. One morning, the Master Sergeant in charge of the S-2 shop of the battalion had an intel report that was due at Division Headquarters within the hour, and his clerk, a PFC, was off that morning because of duty the night before. The Sergeant felt that he had no choice, the report HAD to get to Division; so he got into his Jeep and started to Division Headquarters. As he got to the gate, the XO stopped him. In a very sarcastic voice he said, "Aren't we paying our drivers a lot these days?" The NCO, without missing a beat replied, "Not at all, Sir, when you consider what we are paying gate guards."
Red And Blue
The Cab Driver
The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him. "Name?" "Brendan O'Connor." "Same as mine. Where are you from?" "County Cork." "Same as me......" The policeman paused with his pen in the air. "Hold on a moment and I'll come back and talk about the old county. I want to say something to this fella that ran into the back of your cab."
The New Chauffeur
A couple hired a new chauffeur. The rich husband asked him to take her out shopping and was very shaken by the experience. Back home she pleaded with her husband,
'Please dear, you must sack this new chauffeur at once. He is so rash, he nearly killed me three times this morning!'' "Darling, don't be so hasty,' replied the husband,' give him another chance.'
The Train Driver
A train suddenly deviated from the tracks and ran onto the nearby fields before returning on the tracks again. The passengers were horrified at this. At the next railway station, the driver was caught and questioned. He explained that a man was standing on the tracks and he refused to budge. The authorities asked him, "Are you mad? Just to save one person, you put so many lives in danger. You should have overrun that person." The driver replied: "Exactly, that is what I was doing, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close."