Shortly after the birth of their second child, her husband offered to take her shopping for a new dress. He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress accentuated. As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband's opinion. By this time, he had learned just the right things to say. "It's perfect!" he exclaimed. "It makes your waist look smaller, your legs look longer and slenderizes your hips." Just then, a voice from the dressing room piped up. "If there's a dress here that will do all that- I'll take ten!"
John and Nancy were married for 40 years and decided they wanted to renew their wedding vows, so they planned a second wedding. They were discussing the details with their friends. Nancy wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear.One of her friends asked what color shoes she had to go with the dress.Nancy replied, "Silver."At that point, her husband chimed in, "Yep, silver...to match her hair."Shooting a glaring look at John's head, Nancy's friend said, "So John, I guess you are going barefoot?"
The Reducing Parlor
A tearful woman phoned a reducing salon to wail that her husband had just given her a lovely present and she couldn't get into it. The operator gave her an appointment and added, "Don't worry, madam, we'll have you wearing that dress in no time."
"Dress?" the matron sobbed. "It's a Porsche!"
Benjy had been arrested and was now up before the judge.
The judge asks, "Do you admit you broke into the same clothes shop 3 times?"
"Yes," replies Benjy.
"Could you please tell the court what you stole." asks the judge.
"I stole a dress, your honour," replies Benjy.
"Just one dress? But you admitted to breaking in 3 times," says the judge.
"Yes I did, your honour," says Benjy, "but on two of those occasions, I broke in to return the dress I took before."
"Return the dress? Why? I don’t understand," says the judge.
"Because my wife Bette didn't like the design, your honour."
A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, "Dad, why are wedding dresses white?"The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."