Jacob is out sailing in his expensive yacht when he gets into difficulties and has to call out the lifeboat. Because the coastguard needs an accurate fix on the yacht's location, he calls the yacht on the radio.
"What is your position? Repeat, what is your position?"
Jacob replies, "My position? It’s very good. I'm marketing director of a medium sized firm of solicitors in London."
On the first day of summer camp, the director informed all the little campers that he expected them to put on a fresh pair of socks every day. Two weeks later, Johnny failed to appear at the morning flag raising. The director found him still in his cot.
"Why aren't you lined up with the other boys?" He asked.
"I can't get my shoes on over fourteen pairs of socks!"
The Asylum Director
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how it is determined that a patient should be institutionalised.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub. We then offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub. Okay, here's your test. Would you use the spoon or would you use the teacup or would you use the bucket?"
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the cup."
"Noooooo," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug.
Blonde secretary's memo to her boss:
TO: My Boss
RE: Changing calendars from Y2K
I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:
I also changed all the days of each week to:
We are now Y to K compliant.
The Music Director
A music director was encountering a lot of problems with one drummer. He talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance failed to improve.
Finally, before the entire orchestra, the director said, "When a musician cannot handle his instrument and doesn't improve when help is given, they take away the instrument, give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
At that, a whisper was heard from the percussion section, "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."