Your 5 Jokes for July 17, 2012: Dictator Jokes

Attending A Speech By Ceausescu

A Hungarian attends a speech by Ceausescu. He asks a man sitting in front of him:

-Please sir. Can you take off your hat? I can't see him.

-No problem.

-Sir, can you please shift aside? Your shoulder is blocking my view.

-All right.

When the Hungarian asks him for the third time, the other retorts:

-Do you want me to give you a binocular?

-No thank you. That's already on my rifle.

Physics And Chemistry

Romanian communist tyrant, Ceausescu visits a scientific research centre.

Renowned for his low IQ, but still considered "the brain of the country", he admits to the scientists that he has heard about physics, but he doesn't understand what chemistry is.

A scientist tries to explain him: "Chemistry is just like physics, only that is stinks"

The Election

A minister goes to a dictator after a national election.

Minister: “I have excellent news, Mr. President! You won 98.6% of the vote in the election! Less than 2 percent of the people dissented! What more could you possibly want?"

Dictator: “Their names."

The Hammer

Czechoslovak dictator Dubcek, Hungarian dictator Kadar and Soviet dictator Brezhnev are taking part at a sporting even held for communist leaders.

They are competing at hammer throwing.

Dubcek throws the hammer at 10 m.

Brezhnev throws it at 20 m.

Kadar throws it at an astonishing distance of 50 m. A new record is set, everyone jumps up and congratulates the dictator.

Kadar: "Yeap, 50 m hammer throw, but if I could have thrown the sickle too..."

Work Under Ceausescu

Under dictator Ceausescu, people in Romania live under constant terror, poverty and are forced to work more an more...

A man meets his friend on the street and says to him: "Hey, we beat France with score 7-5, did you know?". His friend replies: "No, in what, football?". The reply is: "No, no, in working days per week!"