Your 5 Jokes for September 26, 2012: Defendant Jokes

Another Lawyer

Defendant: "Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer."

Judge: "And why is that?"

Defendant: "Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case."

Judge (to Public Defender): "Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?"

Public Defender: "I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening."


A man was chosen for jury duty who really wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.

"Your Honor," he said, "I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said' He's a crook! He's guilty!' So, your Honor, I cannot possibly stay on this jury!"

With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box, you fool. That man is the defendant's lawyer."

Jury Or Bench Trial

A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial. "Jury trial," the defendant replied.

"Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge.

"Sure," replied the defendant, "That's where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."


"Did you murder the victim?" asked the Prosecutor.

"No, I did not!" answered the defendant.

"Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?" the Prosecutor asked.

"I certainly do... and they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder!" the defendant answered.


The Judge asked the defendant, "Mr. Jones, do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?""I do.""Now what do you say to defend yourself?""Your Honor, under those limitations... nothing."

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