International survey about customs officers' salaries. The interviewer asks officers from Ukraine, Belarus and Russia one question: How long would it take you to earn for a BMW?
Ukrainian: - Well, I think at least 3 months.
Belarusian: - It would take me about 5 months.
Russian: - I think for that I would need to work for 5 years...
Interviewer asks: - Why so long?
- Well, BMW is quite a big company...
A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs.
The Customs official says, "Have you got anything to declare?"
He thinks a second and he says, "It's a nice-a day!"
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.The Italian customer agent stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro.""What do you mean it's illegal?" asked the Englishmen."Quattro means four," replies the Italian official."Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen says disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons.""You can'ta pulla thata one ona me," replies the Italian customs agent."Quattro means four. You hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin'a the law".The Englishmen reply angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over We want to speak to someone with more intelligence!""Sorry," responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come"."He's a busy with two guys in a Uno".
There's a big trade in skunk fur at the moment so two morons are on holiday with the intention of smuggling a couple of skunks back home. They're discussing how they're going to conceal them to get through customs.
"I can put that small skunk down my armpit as surely no one will notice it there." says one of them.
"Yes but what about the smell?" asks her friend.
"Hey, if it dies it dies."
A gardener from Trinidad was on his way to the states to make a living. He packed up all the things he needed and went to the airport. When he went through customs, they found a machete in the bag. One of the customs officer asked the man.
"Why do you need a machete?"
He said, " to chop bush..."
He is still in jail awaiting trial.