$500 If We Fail
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen and up to the customer's table. He slaps down five $100 bills in front of the man.
"You got me this time, buddy," he says, "but I want you to know this -- that's the first time in 10 years we've been out of rye bread."
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a phone call,"Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."
The exhausted clerk had pulled down blanket after blanket from the shelf, but still the woman customer was not satisfied.
"There is one more blanket left," said the clerk. "Do you care to see it?"
"I'm not going to buy one today," said the woman. "I have only been looking for a friend."
"Well," said the clerk,"I'll take the last one down if you think your friend might be in it."
Waiter: May I serve you?
Customer: Yes, last week I had some yummy soup. I would like to eat that.
Waiter: What is the soup called?
Customer: I don't know, something?
Waiter: Here's your something soup. It had dead eyeballs in it.
A paperboy said to a customer one day, "Mr. Smith, I wish I had twenty customers like you."
"Gosh, that's nice to hear," said Smith, "but I'm kind of surprised considering I never tip all that well and always pay late."
The paperboy said, "I know, but I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is I have one hundred and forty!"