Your 5 Jokes for March 29, 2014: Consolation Jokes

Big Feet

Two sisters came home from school crying their hearts out. ‘What’s wrong?’ asked their mother. The first sister stopped wailing long enough to say, ‘The kids at school make fun of my big feet.’ ‘There, there,’ soothed the mother. ‘Your feet aren’t that big.’ She turned to the second sister. ‘Now why are you crying?’ ‘Because I’ve been invited to a ski party and I can’t find my skis.’ ‘That’s OK,’ said her mother, ‘you can borrow your sister’s shoes.’

Consoling The Widow

A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Vernon. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell...the nut has gone to heaven."

The Consolation Prize

A candy company’s sales team in Russia was promised a trip to sunny Hawaii this past winter if they met their sales quota. They missed their mark and instead got the consolation prize: a vacation in a little town in southern Russia, the warmest area of the country, where the temperature is – 2 degrees.

The Shop

Albert walks into the local tavern and sees his friend Mathew sitting at the café. He puts his hand to his heart and yells: "Oh, Mathew! I'm so sorry to hear about your shop burning down."

Mathew spun around quickly and whispered, "Shhhh..... it's tomorrow!!!"

The Turtle

Freddie ran into the kitchen crying and cradling something in his hands. "Mommy, my turtle is dead," Freddie told his mother as he held the turtle out to her.

His mother kissed him on the head, then said, "That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet. I don't want you . . ."

Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. "Freddie, your turtle is not dead after all."

"Oh," the boy said. "Can I kill it?"