5 Confession Jokes

The Drunken Man in the Confession Box

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.

Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate, there's no tissue paper in this one either."


The Man And His Fiancee

'Before we get married,' said a man to his fiancee,'I want to confess some affairs I've had in the past.'

'But you told me all about those a couple of weeks ago,' replied the girl.

'Yes, darling,' man explained, 'but that was a couple of weeks ago.'


Three Preachers on a Boat

Three preachers are a boat far from land. They decide they are going to confess their shortcomings.
One asks another, 'What is something that you have a problem with?'

The first one says, 'Well, I have a problem with alcohol. I like to take to the bottle sometimes.'

The second one says, 'Well, I have a problem with lust. I desire every woman I see.'

One of the others asks the third one, 'Well, what is something that you have a problem with?'

The third preacher replies, 'Gossip, and I can't wait to get back to shore!'


Vanity

The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."

"What is it, child?"

"Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."

The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."


What To Tell In The Confession Box?

En route to church to make his first confession, my nervous seven-year-old grandson asked me what he could expect. "Confession is where you tell all the bad things you’ve done to the priest," I told him. He looked relieved. "Good. I haven’t done anything bad to the priest."