Your 5 Jokes for May 22, 2014: Concert Jokes

Asleep A man was dragged by concert by his wife. A half-hour after it began he felt an elbow nudge him in the side. "What an outrage," his wife murmured. "The person in front of us is asleep!" Her husband replied, "You woke me up to tell me that?"

Fight At a concert hall one night, the stage manager comes across an oboe player and a viola player having a fight. He breaks the fight up and asks what the fight was about. The oboe player says, "He broke my reed! I was just about to play my big solo when he broke my reed!""Well?" says the stage manager to the viola player. "What do you say to that?"In umbrage, the viola player replies, "He undid two of my strings but he won't tell me which ones!"

Grade 1 Concert The Grade 1 concert is fast approaching and Johhny has still not decidied what he will do. Little Mary is going to do a piano solo, Timmy will recite a poem, but Johnny can't come up with anything. Finally, his frustrated teacher is releived when he tells her he has worked out his act. Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall and watch as Mary, in her perettiest dress, tinkles the ivories to rapturous applause...Then Timmy steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to the delight of the audience.Finally, out comes Johhny, in check shirt, and denim overalls. He steps up to the microphone and says..."Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns a farm and every holiday I visit him there. Tonight, I would like to share with you my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my unlce's farm. Here is the first....'JOHHNY! GET OFF THAT DAMN TRACTOR!'"

Power Bars Our Sunday school was practising for our concert, and we each had a bag lunch to eat beforehand. Our church is small, so the props for our concert were simple. A floor lamp was to serve as a spotlight onstage, but we needed a power bar to switch the light off and on from offstage. I called home and asked my 16-year-old son to bring me one. Not long after, he arrived and handed me not one but two Nutribars.

The Cellist The orchestra conductor had become ill just 15 minutes before the concert was to begin. The manager asked around if anybody could conduct the evening's program and was delighted when the second cellist volunteered. The cellist knew all the works and didn't even need a score for Brahms' third. At the end of the concert the orchestra was pleased, the manager was pleased, and they ended up asking the cellist to conduct for the next three weeks while the regular maestro recuperated from an emergency appendectomy. The three weeks went by quickly and soon the maestro was back on the podium. When the second cellist took his customary seat beside the violas, Sam, the principal violist, leaned over to him and asked, "Where the hell have you been for the last three weeks?"


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