5 College Jokes

Money For College

A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it.

Mom said, "'Sure, sweetie. I'll send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"

"Uh, oh yeah, OK," responded the kid.

So Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.

When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"

Mom said, "Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20, and the other for $1000'"

"That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you crazy???"

"Don't worry hon," Mom said, as she kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in Chapter 19!"


Clever Professor

The rules at a particular university were such that if the professor were not present in the classroom by 15 minutes past the hour, the class was considered a "walk" and the students were free to leave - with no penalties for missing a class.

The rooms were equipped with the type of wall clocks that "jumped" ahead each minute, in a very noticeable fashion. As it were, these clocks were also not of the most sophisticated construction. Some enterprising student discovered that if one were to hit the clock with chalkboard erasers, it would cause the clock to "jump" ahead 1 minute.

It became almost daily practice for these students to take target practice at the clock (as it would have it, this particular professor was not the most punctual, and the students considered him severely "absent-minded"). A few well aimed erasers, and lo, 15 minutes were passed, and class dismissed itself.

Well, when the day for the next exam rolled around, the professor strolled into the room, passed out the exams, and told them "You have 1 hour to complete".

The professor then proceeded to collect the erasers from around the room, gleefully taking aim at the clock. When he had successfully "jumped" the clock forward 1 hour, he closed the class and collected the exam papers.

Life does teach some lessons the hard way.


Final Exam

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Austin until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.

They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written:

(For 95 points): Which tire?


Physics

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"

The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued.

"Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps certain people out of medical school."


Putting Up With Jocks

The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there.

"Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department."

"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look."

He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered.

Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath.

"You're not there, sir," he reported.

"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the President, scratching his head. "I would have phoned."

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