Teacher: Name a bird that doesn't build its own nest.
Teacher: How do you now that?
Pupil: Everyone knows that the cuckoo lives in clocks.
Carrying A Clock
A man sees a beautiful Grand Father Clock in a store and, just has to have it. Unfortunately, it takes all of his cash to pay for it and he cannot afford the forty dollar delivery charge. He elects to take it home himself, in the back of his Station Wagon.
As he is struggling to carry it out of the front of the store to his auto, a staggering drunk stumbles into him and knocks the clock to the sidewalk, smashing it!
The man is furrious! He shouts, "WHY DON'T YOU LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING?!"
The drunk looks back at him in disgust, and replies, "Why can't you carry a watch like everyone else?"
A college professor of logic was attempting to teach his young son the principles of clear thinking and the necessity for defining all terms. He pointed to a wall clock which had just struck.
"Now, if I were to take a hammer and smash the clock," he queried, "could I be arrested for killing time?"
The lad hesitated a moment. "No," he said, "it'd be self-defence."
The professor frowned. "How do you figure that out ?"
"Because," answered the boy, "the clock struck first."
The Tower Clock
A man came to a new city. He is walking on a street which has a famous Clock Tower. Someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
The man says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand dollars and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared.
Having waiting for several hours the man figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day he apparently thinks of a plan. He again starts walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand dollars and I'll go get a ladder."
The man gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.
In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"
Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go 'tick-tocktick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes 'tick...tick...tick.'"
The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock.
He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clock’s face. Then he says in a menacing voice, "Ve haf vays of making you tock!"