A Chicken Dinner
One day the old farmer and his wife invited the new preacher and his wife to dinner. They accepted and when they arrived they were flabbergasted. The old lady had fried chicken, baked chicken, BBQ chicken, chicken pot pie, and every other chicken dish available. They ate until they were about to pop, thanked the couple and started to leave. When they walked outside they noticed a chicken dragging itself around and then it fell down. The preacher quickly summoned the old farmer and screamed "Something is wrong with your chicken, it fell over!" The farmer replied "I know. They're dying faster than we can cook 'em and eat 'em."
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side the road, beside his car.
He was amazed to see that the chicken was keeping up with him. Glancing down at his speedometer, he noticed that he was doing 50 MPH.
He accelerated to 60 miles per hour and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 MPH and the chicken kept up.
The man then noticed that the chicken had three legs. Growing even more curious, he followed the chicken down a road and into a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens around him had three legs.
He asked the farmer, "What's up with these three legged chickens?"
The farmer said, "Well, whenever we have chicken for dinner, everyone in the family fights over the legs, but there are only two. I have bred a three legged bird. It's going to make me a millionaire."
"How do they taste," the man asked.
The farmer said, "Don't know yet, I haven't been able to catch one."
Kung Fu Classes
So ya know, I've been taking these kung-fu classes lately. I must say they’re great.
They teach you how to be as powerful as a tiger, as quick as a monkey, as smart as a dragon. Just the other day, these guys came up to me with a knife and demanded money. So, I turned into a chicken and ran!
You Did Real Good
The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.
"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."
"Well, you did real good, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."
In a recent issue of "Meat & Poultry" magazine, editors quoted from "Feathers," the publication of the California Poultry Industry Federation, telling the following story: It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.
The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.
The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation:
"Use a thawed chicken."