Your 5 Jokes for October 07, 2013: Checkout Jokes


Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed that the bag boy was eying my two adopted children curiously. They often draw scrutiny, since my son is a blonds Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.

The boy continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car. Finally, he asked, "Are they your kids?"

"Yes, they are!" I answered proudly.

"They adopted?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"I thought so," he concluded. "I figured you're too old to have kids that small."

How Did You Guess?

Man walks into a supermarket and buys : 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner.

The girl at the checkout looks at him and says "Single are you?" The man replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?" She replies "because you're ugly."

In A Hurry

A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items.

She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.

"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."

The Divider

I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those “Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the “Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me “Do you know how much this is?" and I said to her “I’ve changed my mind, I don’t think I’ll buy that today." She said “OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened…..

The Student

A student pushes a loaded shopping cart up to the express checkout lane at a Cambridge grocery store. The cashier looks at the cart, looks at the student, looks at the "EXPRESS-EIGHT ITEMS OR LESS" sign, and says to the student, "Are you from Harvard, where they don't know how to count, or MIT, where they don't know how to read?"

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