Your 5 Jokes for September 18, 2012: Check Jokes

Check Delivery

Three life insurance salesmen of different countries were having a chat.

Pakistani: When a man died, we processed the claim and delivered the check within 24 hours.

Indian: When a man died, we delivered a check the same evening.

American: That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of a skyscraper. A man was working on the 50th floor. He slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor!

Do You Need A Pen?

A patient at the dental office where I was a receptionist stopped by my desk to pay her bill. She began rummaging through her purse, as so many patients did when they had a check to write.

“Do you need a pen?" I asked, offering her the use of mine.

“Yes, thank you," she replied. She took it, put it in her handbag and proceeded to pay in cash.


Izzard went into a Baltimore bank to cash his check. Since he didn't have an account there, the teller asked if he could identify himself. "Sure," said Izzard. "Is there a mirror around here?" "There's one on the wall right beside you," said the clerk. Izzard took a glance in the mirror and heaved a sigh of relief. "Yep!" he said. "It's me, all right!"


Maurice started his very own business, which almost immediately began to prosper. He was soon a very rich man. One day, his bank manager rang him and said, “Maurice, I have a query on one of your recent checks. Could you confirm it is one of yours? For years, you’ve been signing all checks with two X’s, but this one is signed with three X’s. Is it yours?"

Maurice replied, “Yes, it is. Since I’ve become so wealthy, my wife thought I ought to have a middle name."

The Calf

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years, it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out." The motorist sat down, wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."

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