Your 5 Jokes for May 02, 2012: Cab Jokes

Dave Aronson

Morris walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cab driver says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Dave."

“Who?"

“Dave Aronson. There’s a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave."

“There are always a few clouds over everybody," says Morris.

“Not Dave. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."

“He was something, huh?"

“He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody’s birthday. He knew all about food, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and I black out the whole neighborhood."

“No wonder you remember him."

“Well, I never actually met Dave."

“Then how do you know so much about him?" asks Morris.

“Because I married his widow."


How Much For A Fare ?

Tourist to Taxi driver: "How much is it to the Airport?"

Taxi driver: "That's five pounds twenty."

Tourist: "And how much is it for the luggage?"

Taxi driver: "The luggage, of course, is free."

Tourist: "All right, just take that stuff along. I'm walking."


Lunatic Cab Driver

Jill had to grab a cab to get to a meeting uptown. She hailed one down, got in, and told the cabbie the address she needed. The cabbie turned out to be a lunatic driver, and Jill sat in the backseat clutching the door handle wondering if she could expect to survive this trip. The cab driver sped through the crowded New York City streets, weaving in and out of traffic. Jill watched as one pedestrian after another leapt aside to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver.

Jill looked ahead and saw a truck double parked on the narrow street. Not only did the driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck. He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side.

"Driver," Jill screamed, "Are you crazy? Are you trying to get us both killed?"

"Relax, Lady," he said. "Just do what I do. Close your eyes."


Stupid Hag

A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They phone for a cab, turn on a night light, cover their pet parakeet, and put the cat out in the back yard.

The taxi arrives, and they open the front door to leave. Suddenly the cat they put out scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in there because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes back in. The cat runs upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit.

The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid hag was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

The cab driver hit a parked car.


Saving Money

While returning from work on foggy evening in Delhi, Ram saw that the buses were crawling slowing down the road. He decided to walk along behind the bus, just following it, till he got home. Very content, he told his wife, ‘I saved Rs. 3 today as I followed the bus and did not board it’.

‘You could have saved Rs. 30 if you had followed a taxi’, she retorted.

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