Bulls And Cows
Interviewer: Will you confirm for the listeners the old story that the bull is incensed by your red cape?
Matador: Well, really it's the cows. The bull is incensed because he doesn't like being mistaken for a cow.
The Railraod Company and the Old Rancher
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.
The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher,
"You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."
The State Government Card
The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field." The Highways employee said, "I have the authority of the State Government to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land."
So the old farmer went about his farm chores.
Later, he heard loud screams and saw the State Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull.
The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!!"
Tossed By A Bull
A country boy was being interviewed for a job on a farm. "You must be healthy," said the farmer. "Have you had any illnesses?" "No, sir," said the boy. "Any accidents?" "No, sir." "But you walked in here on crutches," said the farmer. "Surely you must have had an accident?" "Oh that! I was tossed by a bull - but it weren't no accident, sir. He did it on purpose!"
Tricking The Bull
At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, "That new bull nearly did me in today, partner."
"Oh yeah, what happened?"
"I was putting out the feed, when the sucker bull came charging at me like a locomotive from hell. He damn near got me!"
"So, how'd you get away?"
"Well the bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over."
"Man, that was scary. If it had been me, I would probably have sh*t all over the place."
"I Did! What do you think the bull was slipping on?"