The Building Is On Fire!
During a recent ecumenical gathering, a secretary rushed into the meeting shouting, The building is on fire!"
The Methodists immediately gathered in the corner and prayed.
The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"
The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door, declaring the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the damage.
The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself!"
The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.
The Christian Scientists concluded there was no fire.
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.
The secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the fire out.
Hymie and Sadie are on holiday in Italy and on one of the duller days decide to go on a coach tour of Rome. They were having a nice relaxed time when their guide points out the Colosseum to them.
"Well Sadie," says Hymie, "isn’t that a perfect example of what I’ve been telling everyone for ages? If you don’t have sufficient capital, you mustn’t begin to build."
The Empire State Building
A Swedish tourist in New York was standing in front of the Empire State building, and started counting all the floors.
A policeman approached him and thought to himself: "This guy must be Swedish" and decided to take advantage of him. He went up to him and said: "Do you know that it is illegal to count the floors on buildings in the United States?"
The Swede replied: "No sir, I had no idea."
The police officer then said: "I'm afraid I'll have to charge you $10.00 per floor you counted."
The Swede then said: "Oh, I counted 50 floors, sir."
After the police officer left, the Swede thought to himself: "My, how these Americans are stupid! I told him that I had counted 50 floors when I had actually counted 51!"
My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small.
He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio level.
He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning. Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house.
Observing all this, our next-door neighbor asked, “Ray, are you going to put your patio away every night?"
Juan sees a man leaning against the wall of a large building. The man is puffing away, one cigarette after another.
Juan says, “Sir, I couldn’t help noticing how you chain-smoke. How many packs do you smoke a day?"
“How long have you been smoking?"
“That’s over six thousand packs. If you didn’t smoke, you could have saved enough money to buy this building."
The smoker takes a deep puff and says, “Do you smoke?"
“Do you own this building?"
“Well, I do."