Your 5 Jokes for October 25, 2012: Bribery Jokes

Accepting A Bribe

A government official was arrested for accepting a bribe from a contractor. A friend who went to visit him in the lock-up asked, "How are you going to get out of this mess?"

The official replied calmly, "I got into trouble for accepting a bribe; I will get out of it by giving it."

Give Me Your Papers

I was riding in my private car together with my wife on our way home. Before a junction, I was stopped by two police officers. One of them approached me and asked me to produce my car papers. I opened the glove box, looking for the papers.

The police officer shouted at me furiously and said 'Where have you been living all the time? Isn’t it in this town? I said give me your papers and you are looking for papers?’ I smiled but he was still looking at me furiously. Then I rapped twenty dollars in his hand, he said ‘Ahaaa!!! Now, you understand our language, safe journey, drive carefully.’

No Bribery

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon ... "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits."

Sending A Man To Mars

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn’t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars," he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family," he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars."

“Why so much more than the others?" asked the interviewer.

The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars."

You Can’t Discharge Me!

A judge, disgusted with a jury that seemed unable to reach an agreement in a perfectly evident case, rose and said, "I discharge this jury."

One sensitive talesman, indignant at what he considered a rebuke, obstinately faced the judge.

"You can't discharge me," he said in tones of one standing upon his rights.

"And why not?" asked the surprised judge.

"Because," announced the juror, pointing to the lawyer for the defense, "I'm being hired by that man there!"

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