Katniss: Oh, Hey Peeta.
Peeta: Hey Katniss! Hey, could I borrow some money, I’m out of dough.
Katniss: Don’t you have a job though?
Peeta: Yes, but my mom won’t give me a raise.
Katniss: C’mon Peeta.
Peeta: I kneed it!!
Katniss: *sighs and throws him a bit of change*
Peeta: The YEAST you could give me is a dollar bill!
Peeta: Just call me butter, cuz I’m on a roll!
Katniss: Peeta… could you please stop with the bread jokes?
Peeta: I BREAD YOUR PARDON?!
Katniss: *walks away*
Peeta: What? I said muffin wrong!
Excuse Me …
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. 'Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am,' he said politely, ' but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread!' 'That's right.' 'Every day you wallop him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were hitting him with a chocolate cake....?' 'Well, today is his birthday!'
Gagarin And His Wife
Gagarin comes back and he's shocked to find a note from his wife: "Dear Yuri! I'm at the shop, waiting in the bread line. I have no idea when I will come home"
The Toaster Oven
One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. After a few days, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. “Get the owner’s manual!" her husband shouted.
“I can’t find it anywhere!" she cried, searching through the box.
“Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen. “Well, the toast is fine, but the owner’s manual is burnt to a crisp."
Was Good But…
An old man goes to a diner every day for lunch. He always orders the soup du jour. One day the manager asks him how he liked his meal. The old man replies, in a thick accent, "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread."
So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him four slices of bread.
"How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks. "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.
So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him eight slices of bread. "How was your meal today, sir?" the manager asks. "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.
So... the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him a whole loaf of bread with his soup. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks, when he comes to pay. "Wass goot, but you could give just a little more bread," comes the reply once again.
The manager is now obsessed with seeing this customer say that he is satisfied with his meal, so he goes to the bakery, and orders a six-foot-long loaf of bread. When the man comes in as usual the next day, the waitress and the manager cut the loaf in half, butter the entire length of each half, and lay it out along the counter, right next to his bowl of soup. The old man sits down, and devours both his bowl of soup, and both halves of the six-foot-long loaf of bread.
The manager now thinks he will get the answer he is looking for, and when the old man comes up to pay for his meal, the manager asks in the usual way: "How was your meal TODAY, sir?"
The old man replies: "It wass goot as usual, but I see you are back to giving only two slices of bread."