Happy Birthday Boss!
Some employees bought their boss a surprise present for his birthday. Before opening it, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner. Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, "Is it a bottle of wine?"
The employees replied, "No."
Once again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. "A bottle of scotch?"
His employees replied, "Not that either."
At last the boss asked, "I give up. What is it?"
His workers answered, "A puppy!"
The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered 1 to 3.
He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second, and envelope three third."
The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them.
Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes, and is losing money fast.
After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes. So he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for everything".
Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and everybody's happy.
A few months later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads, "Blame the government for everything".
It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved.
A month later the workers declare another strike. The manager goes to the third envelope and it reads, "Prepare 4 new envelopes".
I'm The Boss
The company boss was complaining in a staff meeting that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read:
"I’m the Boss!"
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
"Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.
This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus composed of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-neutrons all going round in circles.
Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization.
Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons.
The Boss And The Sales Representative
There are some pretty tough bosses out there.
While Sales Representative Davis was in Wyoming last month, he was snowbound by a blizzard. He wired his home office:
"Can't travel for a week. I'm snowbound and can't get out."
The boss wired back, "Davis, start your vacation."