The bishop had just been released, and was shaking the hand of an old timer in the ward. She said, "The new bishop won't be as good as you."
"Nonsense," said the bishop, in a flattered tone.
"No, really," said the sister, "I've been here for six different bishops, and each new one has been worse than the last."
Replacing The Cat
One day the bishop, on his way home from a bishopric meeting, accidentally runs over the favorite cat of an old widow in the ward. He knocks on the door to apologize and says to the sister, "I am so sorry, but I just ran over your cat and killed it - but I would like to replace it." The old woman replies, "Okay, but I hope you are good at catching mice then!!"
Sacrament meeting was about to begin and a mother couldn't find her son. She searched everywhere and finally located him sitting in the foyer with his head in his hands.
She said, "Son, we have to go in now. Sacrament is about to start."
He responds, "I can't go in there, Mom. Nobody likes me. No one will talk to me."
She says "But son, you have to go back in.... You're the Bishop."
A Jack Mormon suddenly began attending church faithfully on Sundays instead of going fishing.
The bishop welcomed him and said, "How wonderful it makes me feel to see you at church with your good wife!"
"Well, Bishop," said the Jack Mormon, "it's a matter of choice. I'd rather hear your sermon than hers."
The new bishop had not yet called an executive secretary. The first week, right before Sacrament meeting, he remembered that nobody had been asked to give talks that day, so he got up and gave a talk he had prepared as a missionary.
The next week, the same thing happened, so he used the same talk again.
This went on week after week. Finally, the entire ward council went to the stake president and complained that the new bishop had used the same talk 4 times in a row.
The stake president asked what the talk was about.
Everyone thought and thought - they scratched their heads and hemmed and hawed - but they really couldn't remember.
The stake president said, "Let him use it one more time."