The Talking Dog
A man and his dog walk into a café. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a 1000 bucks that my dog can talk."
Café Owner: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."
Man: "What covers a house?"
Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"
Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"
Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."
The café owner, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"
A Pile of Manure
Two cowboys are riding their horses together on the prairie. They come upon a big pile of manure. The first cowboy goes to the second, "I will bet you a $1000 that I can eat all of this crap." The second cowboy agrees, so the first cowboy eats the entire pile and wins $1000.
The two cowboys ride on and after some time come across another pile of manure. This time the second cowboy bets the first that he too can eat the whole pile for $1000. The first cowboy agrees and the second cowboy eats the entire pile and wins the bet.
They ride on again. After a while the first cowboy says to the second, "Do you realize that we just ate a whole pile of manure for nothing?"
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers noticed and asked what happened.
Andy replied, “Oh, nothing. It’s just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while."
“I never knew you played hockey."
“I don’t," said Andy. “I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup playoffs and put my foot through the television."
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead \$50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!'
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the \$50 she owed. The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.'
The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.
So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'.
The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!'
At the Butcher’s
A bloke walks into a butcher’s and says to the butcher "are you a betting man?"
"Yes" replied the butcher.
"Well I bet you a tenner you can't reach those pieces of meat up on that wall"
"I'm not taking that on" says the butcher
"I thought you were a betting man" says the bloke
"I am,... but the steaks are too high!"