5 Beach Jokes

The Dead Seagull

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," his dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, "Was it thrown back down from Heaven?"

The Divorced Woman

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly she came out in the divorce settlement, when she spies a lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a genie.

The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. Then the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her, because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times what she wishes for.

The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars.

The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting on one billion dollars. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars.

The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach.

In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for.

Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for.

No problem, said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. For my last wish.."I'd like to give birth to twins".

What Does She Sell?

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"

He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly."

No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

"Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. "Her name is Sally and she's a battery salesperson."

"Batteries?" cried the wife.

"Yes," he replied. "Sally sells C cells by the Seashore"

Your Child Has …

On the beach a man appeals to a lady: "Madam, your child has dug my shirt in the sand!"

The woman doesn't pay any attention at all.

Man: "Madam, your child has dug my shirt in the sand!!!"

Lady: "It's not my child. My child is washing cherries in your cap".

Information Booth

After pulling into Island State Park a tourist came over to the information booth which I was working in." You have any beaches around here?" she asks. “Yes," I told her. “Three of them." “Great!!! Which one is closest to the water?"


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