5 Aviation Jokes

Guess Who

Working in aviation, I was doing the night shift at the airport directing the planes in and out. All of a sudden the radio crackles and I hear a young voice request permission to approach the runway to land. I ask for a name, and he replies, “guess who?" I turn off the runway lights and say, “guess where?!"

Knowing Where You Are

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the plane. The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany".

The others ask, "How do you know", the German says, "Because it's so cold". Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia", the others ask "How do you know", he replies

"Because it's so warm". Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico", the others ask "How do you know", he says "Because my watch in gone".

My Son’s Age

I purchased three airline tickets to fly my family to New York for a family vacation. I told my son, that just turned 3 years old, that I didn’t buy him a ticket. I instructed him to tell the man at the ticket counter that he is 2, and doesn’t need a ticket. When we get to the ticket counter the man was a little suspicious. He asked my son, “Do you know what happens to little boys who lie about their age?"

“Sure," my son replied. “They get to fly for free!!!"

The Frankfurt Airport

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."

Ground: "Good Morning, taxi to your gate." The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."

Ground (impatiently): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop".

Welcome Aboard

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.

"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.

"That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"

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