Your 5 Jokes for March 24, 2012: Arrest Jokes

Police Record

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. February 10, 1993, Dennis Payne, 30, was arrested as a pickpocket at a Jersey City, N.J., train station, his 135th arrest in New Jersey and New York City since 1978. Police said it took a computer more than a half-hour to print out Payne's arrest record.

The Call

A blonde called her mom and said, "Hi Mom, I need some help. I'm at the police station."

"Police station?! I thought you were with your father at the hardware store."

"Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call."

"Arrested? My God! What happened?"

"Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head."

"What on earth? Why did you do that?"

"It wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker."

The Disturbance

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.

Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."

The giant nodded.

"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.

"Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."

"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."

The Hooligan

A police officer catches a street hooligan and arrests him:

Police officer: "Where's your working place?"

Street hooligan: "Here and there..."

Police officer: "How do you earn a living, do you work at all?"

Street hooligan: "From time to time..."

Police officer: "And what?"

Street hooligan: "This and that..."

Police officer: "You're arrested, you're going to prison!"

Street hooligan: "Wait! When will you let me out of there?!"

Police officer: "Sooner or later!"

The Soviet Sheep

"Did you hear the one about the sheep who tried to leave the USSR? They were stopped at the border by a guard…."

"Why do you wish to leave Russia?" the guard asked.

"It's the secret police," replied the sheep. "Stalin has ordered them to arrest all the elephants."

"But you aren't elephants."

"Try telling that to the secret police."

Related collections:

Attorney jokes - Confession jokes - Court jokes - Crime jokes - Defendant jokes - Escape jokes - Jail jokes - Judge jokes - Jury jokes - Justice jokes - Law jokes - Lawyer jokes - Mugging jokes - Police jokes - Prison jokes - Prisoner jokes - Robber jokes - Robbery jokes - Theft jokes - Thief jokes - Trial jokes - Truth jokes - Witness jokes


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