Directions In Australia
Asking for directions in the Australian outback is often a chancy business. There was the rep who asked a salesman for directions to Goombungee.
“Take this road here for about two kilometers and turn left at the hollow log. You keep going for about three more kilometers and you’ll come to Riley’s dam. Turn left again. About four kilometres down the track you’ll come to a big sign advertising sheep dip. Turn left there and keep going."
“And that’ll get me to Goombungee, will it?" “No. It’ll get you back here. If I give you all the directions at once it’ll only confuse you."
The start of the new school term always brings out the most interesting questions for computer consultants on campus. The predominant questions this term pertain to "getting into" E-mail and how to access the "Information Highway."An obviously distraught student came into the consulting office yesterday complaining that his E-mail wasn't working. His attempts to get tickets for an on-campus concert kept resulting in returned mail. He showed me the mail address he was attempting to reach. I asked him where he obtained such an unusual mail address.He replied, "The sign advertising the concert said,' [email protected]:30PM'."
18 year old Steve, an up-and-coming British rapper, is visiting the USA for the first time. When he gets to his hotel room, he picks up the phone and says to the operator, "I'd like the number for Michael Stones in Brooklyn, New York, please."
After a short pause the operator says to Steve, "I have 8 listings for a Michael Stones in Brooklyn. Do you have a street name?"
Steve thinks for a second, then replies, "Well, most of my friends call me ‘Stevie the pisser’."
A man is having a few drinks at a bar when he looks over and notices a drunk guy passed out at a table nearby. The bartender tells him the drunk is Mr. Murphy and asks the man if he could drive Mr. Murphy home. Being a good Samaritan, the man agrees. The bartender writes down the address and gives it to him.
The man walks over and tries to wake Mr. Murphy but Mr. Murphy is groggy and quite drunk. The man helps Mr. Murphy to his feet and Mr. Murphy falls to the floor in a heap.
"Jeez," the man says wondering how anyone could drink so much. He takes Murphy by the arm and practically drags him out to the car. Once there he leans him against the side of his car while he looks for his keys. Mr. Murphy slides down to the ground. The man finds his keys and manages to get Murphy positioned in the car.
He then drives to the address the bartender gave him. He opens the passenger door and helps Mr. Murphy out and the guy falls to the ground. Cursing softly, now, the man helps him to his feet and practically drags him to the front door. He lets go of Mr. Murphy to knock on the door and the guy falls down again. He helps him to his feet as Mrs. Murphy answers the door.
"Hi, Mrs. Murphy, Your husband had a little too much to drink tonight so I gave him a ride home."
"That was nice of you," she says, looking around... "But where's his wheelchair?"
What’s Your Name And Address
A cop pulled up two Irish drunks, and asked to the first, "What's your name and address?" "I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address." The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question. "I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."