Actors and Money
Two actors who haven’t seen each other in several weeks run into each other on the street.
1st actor: Haven’t seen you in a while. How’s everything going?
2nd actor: Pretty good. Two weeks ago I got a call from a lawyer in Florida. It seems I had an aunt that I never knew about that died and left me $2,000,000.
1st actor: That’s great!
2nd actor: Yeah. And then last week I hit the lottery and won $7,000,000.
1st actor: That’s wonderful!
2nd actor: Yeah, but this week, nothing!
At New Agent’s
An actor went to see a new agent one day and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is innovative.'
So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few times and landed smoothly on the agent's desk.
`So you do bird impressions,' said the agent, `what else can you do?'
Descending Into Hell!
A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trapdoor and announce, "I descend into hell!"
A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place.
When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.
One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
First Leading Role
A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climbed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again.
`What's the matter?' asked the director.
`I can't jump from that board!' said the actor. `Do you know there's only one foot of water in that pool?'
'Yes,' said the director. `We don't want you to drown, you know.'
After a difficult day, a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house. Explaining who he was, he asks "What happened?" "Well," one of the officer's says, "It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here, he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground." The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief... "My agent came to my house?"