Your 5 Jokes for August 12, 2013: Absence Jokes

Always Late

Akpos had a bad attendance record for being particularly late for work in the morning. He was called to a disciplinary hearing where he was given a chance to explain his reasons.

His argument - "I get up in the morning...I shower...I look in the mirror...try to straighten my hair, then I miss the taxi, then I'm late."

His boss has a bright idea. He gets one of Akpos' colleague to sneak into his room & steal the Mirror off the wall without Akpos' knowledge. The following day, Akpos did not turn up for work. The same happened the day after that. Akpos was summoned to another hearing to explain his reasons for not attending work.

His argument - "I get up in the morning...I shower...I look in the Mirror...See no Akpos...I think Akpos has already left for work.

It’s My Eyes

A guy rings his boss and says: "I can't come to work today!"

The boss asks why and the guy says: "It's my eyes."

"What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss.

"I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."


"What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny.

"Let's play schools," said Jenny.

"OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent."


When Jim walked into the office, he knew something was up. There was a message on his desk that the boss wanted to see him as soon as he arrived. The boss didn't look very happy when Jim reported to his office. The older man didn't say anything, he just pointed at the newspaper on his desk. It was opened to the sports page, and there was a picture of a smiling Jim, holding up the trophy for winning the local golf tournament the day before. "I just checked. You called in sick yesterday!" the boss said. "What if everybody just claimed to be sick and took off whenever they wanted to? What do you have to say for yourself?" There was a moment of silence in the big corner office, until Jim finally spoke up, "I was really surprised to win the tournament, sir. I have never played that well. Think of the score I could have had if I hadn't been sick!"

The Exam Score

Father: Why did you get such a low score in that exam?

Son: Absence!

Father: You were absent on the day of the exam?

Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!


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