Your 5 Jokes for May 21, 2014: Fries Jokes

Broke

My three year old son and I were passing by a McDonald's one day and he started begging me to get some "fench fies, pweeeez". I didn't have any money on me and I told him "No, Daddy is broke" He didn't complain he just accepted my answer.
A few days later we were driving past a McDonald's once again. He was not having a happy day because we were stuck running errands all day. So I offered, "Johnny do you want to get some french fries?" And he perked up and smiled and said, "Why Daddy, are you fixed?"

Your 5 Jokes for May 20, 2014: Clinic Jokes

At The Military Medical Clinic

During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did. When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."

Your 5 Jokes for May 19, 2014: Spending Jokes

£6,000

Sol and Abe, both elderly, meet one day in Brent Cross Shopping Centre.
"So, how's by you Abe?" asks Sol.

"It could be worse, Sol. I’m surviving. And what about you?" asked Abe.

Sol replied, "I've been ill quite a lot recently and it's costing me a lot of money. I have no private medical insurance and in the last five months, I've spent over £6,000 on doctors fees and medicine."

Abe replied, "Ach. In the old days, you could be ill for at least two years for that kind of money."

Your 5 Jokes for May 17, 2014: Warranty Jokes

The Computer

After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new toy and plugged it in to find it Dead On Arrival. Naturally, after checking the usual things, he called the dealer and explained his problem. First question from Deviously Evasive Dealer: "Did you check to see whether the power was on?" "Of course." DED: "Did you open the cover and check whether any of the boards had shaken loose in shipping?" "Of course." DED: Then why are you calling me?" "Well, you sold it to me and there has to be some kind of warranty," pleaded the frustrated purchaser. "Of course there is," replied the DED, "But you voided the warranty when you opened the cover."