5 Word Jokes

Fascinate

During a political debate the politicians were asked to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

The first one, a democrat, came up with an answer right away. He said, "One of my hobbies is painting, and no matter if I paint with water colors, or oils I always fascinate people with my work."

The second politician, the republican, said "My grandfather was a magician, and when ever he performed a trick be it with cards, or hoops, or magic balls he would always fascinate us."

The third politician, an independent, said "I don't know if I can do that."

The MC of the debate said, "Go ahead take a couple of minutes then give it your best."

The third politician thought for a while then said, "I know this gal, one time she went to the store to buy a new blouse. The blouse had ten buttons on it, but when she went to button it she was too fat that she could only fasten eight."


A Worker with the Supervisor

A worker was called to the office by his supervisor for talking back to his foreman.

Supervisor: "Is it true that you called him a liar?"

Worker: "Yes, I did."

Supervisor: "Did you call him stupid?"

Worker: "Yes."

Supervisor: "And did you call him an opinionated, bullheaded egomaniac?"

Worker: "No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"


Carrying a Child

A mother carefully explained to her young daughter how children were created. She used the expression “carrying a child” instead of “pregnant,” but the girl seemed satisfied.

Sometime later, a terrible fire broke out in the neighborhood, and the girl stood by watching. Here is how she described the scene to her parents: “There was this big fire, and a fireman ran into the house, and when he came out, he was pregnant.”


The Outside of a Tree

Teacher: "Johnny, what is the outside of a tree called?"

Johnny: "I don’t know."

Teacher: "Bark, Johnny, bark!"

Johnny: "Woof, woof..!"


Some Good Advices

In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency. Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations. Let your extemporaneous descantings and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy, and vain vapid verbosity.

In short: “Be brief and don’t use big words.”