I would like to thank you all for coming here today to celebrate my daughter's marriage. Just for your information the seating arrangement has been specially organised with all of the people that bought large presents being placed towards the front and those that bought cheaper smaller presents at the back. (Pause)
There is a special thanks for uncle Fred who is at the back for the oven glove. (Pause)
The bride would like to ask uncle Fred if she could have the other glove for their Silver Wedding Anniversary.
Forgot The Names
Father Henry was planning a wedding at the close of the morning service. After the benediction Father
Henry had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married.
'Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?' Father Henry requested.
Immediately; nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.
On the day of the nuptuals, everything went well. Nevertheless, Luke thought that everyone must have seen his toupee. Next day, his youngest daughter sees his worried look and says, 'What's the matter, daddy? Why are you looking so down in the mouth so?'
'I'm not really sad, darling,' Luke replies, 'it's just that I'm sure everyone yesterday saw that I was wearing a wig.'
'No they didn't, daddy,' she answers, 'No one I told knew.'
My nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter.
At the wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion.
But after a particularly long pause, he explained, “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to make out what I’ve written down."
Looking out into the audience, he asked, “Is there a pharmacist in the house?"
Aisle, Altar, Hymn
The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.
First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down.
Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.
While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words ... Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him)