These two girlfriends are very close, allowing them to be totally honest with each other.
As one fidgeted in front of the mirror one evening before a date, she remarked, “I’m fat."
“No, you’re not," the other scolded.
“My hair is awful."
“It looks just fine."
“I’ve never looked worse," she whined.
“Yes, you have," her friend replied.
I Cannot Believe …
A Romanian immigrant returns to Romania to visit his family left behind and as he walks out of the airport he thinks: "So many years, I cannot believe that I am back to Romania".
Then, as he looks down to take his bags, he cannot find his luggage anywhere...
Then, he shouts: "Cr*p! Now I believe it, I'm back in Romania!"
"Putin calls in the finance minister and says: 'Listen, what's going on with the economy?'
"'Er, Vladimir Vladimirovich, I can explain. ...'
"'No, no, you don't need to explain. I can do that myself. Just tell me, what's going on?'"
Anwar was heard to moan in jail to his wife,' I've had a lot of trouble trusting Mahathir over these years. Whenever you see him rolling his eyes, he's telling the truth. Whenever you see him stroking his chin, he's telling the truth. Whenever you see him fiddling with his tie, he's telling the truth. So how do you know when he's lying?'
'When he opens his mouth,' came the reply from his wife.
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