A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
The Best Dad
Three young boys were fighting over whose dad was the best.
`My dad is so good he can shoot an arrow, run after it, get in front of it, and catch it in his bare hands.`
`My dad is so good that he can shoot a gun, run after the bullet, get in front of it and catch it in his bare hands.`
`I`ve got you both beat. My dad`s so good because he works for the city. He gets off work at 5:00 and is home by 4:30.`
Three visitors to London climb up the tower that houses Big Ben and decide to have a contest. They're going to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch the watches before they hit the ground.
The first tourist throws his watch, takes three steps and hears his watch crash. The second throws his watch and takes only two steps when he hears his watch shatter.
The third tosses his watch off the tower, jogs down the stairs, goes to a candy store, buys a snack, walks back to Big Ben and catches his watch. "How did you do that?" asks one of his friends.
"My watch is 30 minutes slow."
A man is giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He gets a bit carried away and talks for two hours.
Finally, he realizes what he is doing and says; “I’m sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."
A voice from the back of the room says, “There’s a calendar behind you."
We’ll Be Late!
Charles was getting annoyed and shouted upstairs to his wife," Hurry up or we'll be late."
"Oh, be quiet," replied his wife. "Haven't I been telling you for the last hour that I'll be ready in a minute?"