One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Murphy and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight.
However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.
The thief then went through Murphy’s pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents.
The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.
“Was that all you wanted?" Murphy replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I’ve got in me shoe!"
A blonde walked up to a man and said, "Give me your wallet." The man said, "Okay, but give me the gun."The blonde gave him the gun and the man gave his wallet. The man used the gun to steal his wallet back.The blonde said, "You're an idiot - there's no bullets in the gun." The man replied, "You're the idiot - there's no money in the wallet."
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got his license number."
Seventy year old Martha woke her husband, seventy-five year old George from his nap on the sofa.
"There is a truck backed up to your shop and thieves are loading up your tools." she told him in a frightened voice.
He immediately looked out the window, then phoned the police.
The police informed him that it was Saturday night and they were really busy but would have an officer over to his place as soon as one was available, probably in about half an hour. He was advised to stay inside the house with the doors locked until they got there.
He hung up the phone, waited about a minute and called back.
"This is the fellow that just called about the theives stealing his tools, don't hurry, I just shot them."
Three minutes later an ambulance and two police cars arrived and the burgulars were caught red-handed.
"What is going on here?" asked one of the officers, "We were informed that you had shot them."
"Yeh, and I was informed that nobody was available." Old George replied
In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into a local branch and wrote, “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and that they might call the police before he even reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it, noticing all of his spelling errors. She quickly surmised that he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor.
Then she told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said “OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.