Your 5 Jokes for April 24, 04, 2013: Table Jokes

At A Hotel Table

Akpors sits next to a girl on a table in a hotel.

Akpors: Hello Madam?

Lady: What is it?

Akpors: Sorry Madam, just wanted to ask what the time is on your watch?

Lady: Ehm… Now you think my watch is used as a public clock huh? Go away and stop wasting my time.

Akpors: But Madam…

Lady: Shut up!!!

Akpors takes out his Apple phone and makes call.

Akpors: Hello John. I just settled from Washington D.C. Can you please tell me what time it is right now so that I set my clock to the local time, since it still reads American time? *she listens*

Akpors: OK, thank you and today don’t forget to come for the Galaxy tablet that you requested * she listens*

Akpors: Ok, bye.

Lady: Sir, the time is…

Akpors: shut up!!!


Booking A Table

A new restaurant opens in Golders Green and Ruben rings to book a table to celebrate his forthcoming birthday.

"How can I help you?" asks the owner.

"I'd like to book a table for Sunday evening please," replies Ruben.

"Certainly sir," replies the owner. "How many of you are coming?"

"It's my birthday and there will be twelve people coming," replies Ruben.

"Thank you sir," says the excited owner. "And what time shall I book the table for?"

"Eight o'clock will be fine," replies Ruben.

"OK," says the owner, "can I have your name, please."

"Before I give you my name," replies Ruben, "I need to know whether you honour credit cards."


Sliding Under The Table

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, madam, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied, "No he did not. He just walked in the door."


Talking About Flies At The Table

A son and a father were eating at the table.

The son asked, "Dad, is it good to eat flies?"

Dad said, "Son, let's not talk about that at the table."

Later...Dad asked, what was it you wanted to say?"

"Oh, nothing! There was a fly in your soup, but it's gone!"


Waiting For A Table

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table.'

“Young man, we're both 90 years old, we may not have 45 minutes."

They were seated immediately.