Your 5 Jokes for May 01, 2012: Store Jokes

Bad Luck

A man who owned a local grocery store was out delivering orders in his station wagon when he hit and injured a little, old lady. The lady sued and was awarded an amount large enough to drive the man out of business.

After difficult times he managed to accumulate enough to try again. But a few months after
opening his doors he struck an old gentleman with his delivery truck. The gentleman sued and collected big damages, enough to ruin the merchant yet again.

On a peaceful Sunday, the grocer was sitting in his living room when his little boy entered and called out, “Father, Father, Mother’s been run over by a great big bus.”

The grocer’s eyes filled with tears, and in a voice trembling with emotion he cried, “Thank the Lord, my luck’s changed at last.”


The Annoying Customer

In a department store, a difficult customer and a very patient clerk were having a hard time getting together. Nothing the clerk provided was suitable.

Finally, the finicky shopper said in annoyance, "Can't you find a smarter clerk to serve me?"

"No," said the saleswoman. "The smarter clerk saw you coming and disappeared.”


The Good Old Days

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular. "When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!" Then Grandpa said sadly, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."


Turkeys

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."


What’s The Size?

While I was working in the men’s section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.

When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.

“I don’t know his size,” she said, “but my hands fit perfectly around his neck.”