5 Space Jokes

Space Monkeys

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.

As the moment came closer NASA’s mission control center announced, “This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!” At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle’s engines ignited and the shuttle took off.

Two hours later NASA’s mission control center announced, “This is mission control to Monkey Two. Initiate!” At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.

Another two hours later mission control announced, “This is mission control to the astronaut…” At this the astronaut responded “I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don’t touch anything.”


Astronomy Class

We were celebrating Galileo's birthday. The previous Friday I had given an hour long lecture on computing angular distances using star charts of the Mercator style. After the class sang Happy Birthday in Italian, I asked the following: "All right, who here can tell me the distance from Betelgeuse to Procyon using your standard chart?" A hand shot up immediately and my chest swelled with pride. They had gotten it, I thought. "About an inch and a half," came the response.


Intelligent Life

It was a happy occasion at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Oppenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," said Dr. Oppenstein, grinning broadly, "after 12 years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that's impossible ... we could never do it. Yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars, he wants us to try to find it in Congress."


What It Is All About

A theologian and an astronomer were talking together one day. The astronomer said that after reading widely in the field of religion, he had concluded that all religion could be summed up in a single phrase. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," he said, with a bit of smugness, knowing that his field is so much more complex.

After a brief pause, the theologian replied that after reading widely in the area of astronomy he had concluded that all of it could be summed up in a single phrase also. "Oh, and what is that?" the astronomer inquired. "Twinkle, twinkle, little star; how I wonder what you are!"


The First

One day there were three astronauts a blonde, brunnete, and a redhead eating together.

The brunette said, "Hey you guys we were the first people in outer space we should be proud of that," and they said, "Yeah, yeah we are."

Then they start to eat again when the redhead says "Hey you guys we were the first ones on the moon we should be proud of that too." They said, "Yeah, yeah we are."

The blonde starts thinking and about one hour later she says, "You guys, you know how we were the first one in outer space and the first ones on the moon?" They said, "Yeah, so?"

"So," the blonde said, "We should be the first ones on the sun too."

The redhead says, "You crazy blonde, if we got within a 100 mile radius of the sun we would burn up and die."

The blonde replies, "You are the crazy, we wouldn't go during the day. We would go at night."