A wife and her blonde husband were trying to sleep, but the next door neighbor's dog was barking. This had been going on for months. Every night, the dog barked for hours, robbing them of sleep.
Finally, the blonde says, "I've had enough. I'm going to do something about this." So he gets up, puts on his robe and goes down stairs and out the back door. A little while later, he comes back.
"What did you do? The dog's still barking," asks the wife.
"I put the dog in our backyard. Let's see how they like it."
I Feel Dizzy
'Doctor Mayo,' John says, 'Whenever I get up after a sleep, I feel dizzy for half an hour, then I'm all right.'
'Then wait for half an hour before getting up,' replies Doctor Mayo conclusively.
I don't think my mom knows much about children."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because she always puts me to bed when I am wide awake and gets me up when I am sleepy."
You heard about the lady with five children whose doctor prescribed her Valium for anxiety and stress, right? When she went back in two weeks she told the doctor that everything was wonderful! She said that her house was quiet and clean, she had time to read and even enjoy her favorite television shows each day.
But she did need a refill on her script. “A refill, already?!", said the doctor, “How many pills are you taking?"
“Taking!?" the patient replied, “I’ve been giving them to my children."
A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.
"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15". The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.
"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"
The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.