A Noise In The Room
All the fraternity brothers left the house for a long weekend except for Grady, who decided to stay behind and get some studying done. One night Grady heard a noise under his bed. Fearing it might be a burglar, he leaned over and whispered, "Anybody there?" "No," said the burglar. "That's funny," the boy said to himself. "I could have sworn I heard a noise!"
Asian Room Service
A telephonic exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review...
Room Service: "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
Guest: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine"
RS: "Hokay. An San tos?"
RS:"San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.'
Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G:"No..just put the bother on the side."
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. As ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy.... rye?"
G: "Whatever you say"
G: "You're welcome"
In The Waiting Room
There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.
The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!" He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins."
The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets"! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M."
The third father opens the window and jumps out.
The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where's the third father?"
One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window."
The nurse asks, "Why?"
He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"
The Guest Room
Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. Later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly.
Then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. It read, “Thank you for not looking in the bathtub."
The Lawyer On The Farm
A redneck, a preacher, and a lawyer are travelling in a car when it breaks down in front of a farm. They ask the farmer if they could spend the night. The farmer said, "Sure, but my guest room only has room for two. One of you will have to sleep in the barn. The preacher says, "I don't mind being with God's animals. I will sleep in the barn." An hour later, there's a knock on the guest room door. It's the preacher. He says, "I can't stand that noisy chicken. Could I switch with one of you?" The redneck says, "There are always loud animals back in Alabama. I can take it." An hour later, there's a knock on the guest room door. It's the redneck. He says, "I can't stand that smelly cow! Could I switch with one of you?" The lawyer says, "Well, I guess that leaves me." An hour later, there's a knock on the door. It's the chicken and the cow.