Your 5 Jokes of the Day, December 15, 2010: Rabbit Jokes
A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead.
The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can on to the rabbit.
Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved it's paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 meters away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 meters, turned, waved and hopped another 50 meters.
The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can!! He ran over to the woman and demanded, "What was in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said: "Hair spray restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence. Upon inspection, to my dismay, I realized it was the next-door neighbors' daughter's pet rabbit.
For years I had watched her come home from school and head straight out to its cage, free it and play with it in the garden. I knew today would be no different and fearing for our dog, I had to think fast.
The rabbit was quite dirty, as if it had put up quite a struggle, so I washed it off with the hose, combed it with the dog brush and blew it dry with the leaf blower. Upon finishing its grooming I jumped the fence and placed it back in its cage hoping its death would be written off as "natural causes".
Within the hour the neighbor's car pulled in and out popped the little girl, and as usual she headed straight for the cage. Only this time she stopped about six feet away and screamed "DDDDDAAAADDDDDDDYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Her father, panic stricken, stood looking at the cage. Being the good neighbor that I am I rushed to fence and asked if there was anything I could do. Her father less than calmly blurted,
"What kind of sick individual would dig up a little girl's dead rabbit and put it back in its cage?"
Rabbit At A Shop
A rabbit came into a shop and asked, "Got any carrots?" The seller answered, "No!"
The next day the rabbit came again and asked, "Got any carrots?" The seller replied "No!"
Next day the rabbit came and asked, "Got any carrots?" The seller shouted, "No! And if you come again and ask for carrots, I'll take nails and hammer you on the wall by your ears!"
Early next morning the rabbit came back and asked, " Got any nails?" The seller answered, "No!" The rabbit asked, "Got any carrots?"
The Little Rabbit And The Lion
In the jungle a little rabbit is hopping around when all of a sudden, a lion appears in front of him.
Upon seeing the lion, the little rabbit starts crying.
“Why are you crying?”, asks the lion.
"Well, if you strike me with one of your front paws, I’m dead!"
The lion grabs a piece of rope and ties his left paw behind his back.
The little rabbit stares at him and as soon as he finishes tying his paw, it starts crying again.
"Why are you crying now?"
"Well you see, even with one free paw, you can still strike a lethal blow…"
"Oh what the hell… says the lion and ties his other paw."
Yet the little rabbit is still crying.
"What is it this time?"
"Look, with one kick, that’s it, I’m a goner."
Given the chain of events, the lion decides to tie one leg.
The little rabbit keeps on crying, saying that even with only one leg free, the lion can still kill it.
As this is a sentimental lion, he can’t bear to watch the little rabbit cry, so he ties his other leg in such a way that he can no longer move.
The little rabbit is still crying though…so the lion asks it:
"To tell you the truth, I don’t get you. Here I am, tied up, I can no longer move and you are still crying. Why?"
"Ah that’s nothing. I’m just feeling moved because I’ll be a lion for the first time today!"
The Rabbit Running In The Wood
A Little Rabbit is running happily through the woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You shouldn't do that. Think of your health. You should come running in the woods instead!" The Giraffe looks at the Little Rabbit, looks at the spliff, shrugs his shoulders, tosses the joint over his shoulder and runs off through the wood with the Little Rabbit.
After a while the Giraffe and the Rabbit come across an Elephant about to do a line of Coke. The Rabbit says, "Oh, Elephant you really shouldn't do that. You should come running with us in the wood. It is much better for you." The Elephant looks at the Rabbit looks at the line of Charlie, shrugs his shoulders, then runs off through the wood with the Giraffe and the Rabbit.
Shortly they come across a Bear about to shoot up heroin. The Rabbit runs up to him and says, "Hey, Bear, you shouldn't do that, think of your health. You'd be better of running in the woods with us." The Bear looks at the Rabbit, looks at the syringe, spoon and stuff, shrugs his shoulders, kicks the whole lot away and runs off with the Rabbit, the Giraffe and the Elephant.
After a while they come across a Tiger rolling a spliff. The Rabbit runs up to the Tiger and says, "Hey Tiger, you really shouldn't do that." and the Tiger immediately jumps up and starts giving a beating to the Rabbit. The Giraffe grabs the Tiger and pulls him off the Rabbit and says, "What the hell are you doing, man?" The Tiger gets one more kick in and says, "Ah, that little bugger really makes me sick; he always makes me run around the bloody woods when he's on Ecstasy!"