A Lawyer’s Rates
“Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
“Yes," the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?"
The Personality Assessment
“That would require me to go home and say, ‘Hi, honey. I just paid someone $400 to tell me what’s wrong with me,’" he said. “And based on that, considering we’ve been married 23 years, she’d hand me a bill for about $798,000."
My friend was working at an amusement park when a couple stopped him. “Excuse me," said the woman, pointing to a pond. “What is that water made out of?" Bemused, my friend replied, “Two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen." “See?" she said to her husband. “I told you it wasn’t real."
Will You Still Love Me?
Milton came into his wife’s room one day. “If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me," he asked her.
“Darling, I’ll always love you," she said calmly, filing her nails.
“How about if I lost my legs and I couldn’t walk anymore?" he asked anxiously.
“Don’t worry, darling, I’ll always love you," she told him, buffing her nails.
“Well, how about if I lost my job as vice-president?"
Milton went on, if I weren’t pulling in six figures any more. Would you still love me then?"
The woman looked over at her husband’s worried face. “Milton, I’ll always love you," she reassured him, “but most of all, I’ll really miss you."
Eric is sitting at the café staring morosely into his drink. Tom walks in, sits down and asks him what the problem is.
“Well," said Eric, “I ran afoul of one of those awkward questions women ask. Now I’m in deep trouble at home."
“What kind of question?" asked Tom.
“My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly."
“That’s easy," said Tom. “You just say ‘Of course I will’".
“Yeah," said Eric, “That’s what I did, except I said ‘Of course I DO…’"