A rabbit walks into a café and orders a soda and a toasted cheese sandwich. Half an hour later he orders another soda and a toasted cheese sandwich this time. Half an hour later he orders another soda and a toasted cheese and mushroom sandwich.
About three bites into his sandwich he falls off his barstool and is lying gasping on the floor.
Concerned fellow patrons crowd round the rabbit asking him what’s wrong;
"Are you choking?" asks one
"No" croaks the rabbit.
"Are you having a heart attack?" another asks
"No" gasps the rabbit.
"What is it then?" a third enquires
"I think it's mixingmytoasties" the rabbit replies
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says,"O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
Need New Bull
Jake and Lena's bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to the auction to buy a new one. Jake had to tend to the dairy and couldn't leave the farm, so Lena took the train to the city to buy a bull. If she was successful, she would take the train back to the farm, then she and Jake would go to town with the truck to pick up their newly purchased bull. The bidding was furious at the livestock auction, and Lena found herself bidding on the last remaining bull. It took everything she had but ten cents, but she was finally the successful bidder.
Unfortunately, the train home was fifty cents. "Please, Mr. Conductor, couldn't you make an exception just vunce?" pleaded Lena.
"Sorry lady," he replied, "but you can send your husband a telegram to tell him your problem. The office is just down the street."
At the Telegraph office, Lena asked, "Mister, how many words can I send to my husband for a dime?"
"It's ten cents a word," the clerk answered.
Lena pondered her dilemma, then finally said, "OK, here's da message:
"How is you husband ever going to know that you want him to take the bull if you send him the word, comfortable?
Lena explains, "My husband will read it real slow. ( com-for-da-bull )
Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.
After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.
Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, "I don't think much of this budgie jumping."
The other moron replies, "Yeah, I'm not too keen on this paragliding either."
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "First thing I need to know, Is it on or off?"