A Talking Poodle
A guy is driving through Arizona and sees a sign in front of a house that reads, "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell to inquire and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Shitzu Poodle sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Poodle replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Poodle looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals."
"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff."
One day after school Jonathan went to the pet shop and told the owner he wanted to buy a watchdog for his mother's birthday.
"How about this one?" said the salesman, pointing to a cage with a scrawny little poodle in it.
"Are you kidding?" said Jonathan. "That dog looks harmless."
"Yes, but he knows karate," said the salesman. "Watch." The salesman pointed to a huge cinder block and shouted "karate the block!"
Immediately, the poodle struck out its paw and with one blow smashed the block into two pieces.
Next, the salesman pointed to a metal chair, then commanded, "Karate the chair!"
Once again, the little poodle crushed the chair with a single blow.
That night Jonathan brought home the poodle and showed it to his father.
"What kind of watchdog is that to give your mother?" said Jonathan's father. "What good is he?"
"But, Dad, this dog knows karate," said Jonathan.
"Oh, come on," said his father. "Karate my foot!"
Poodle In Trouble
A Poodle and a Collie are walking together when the Poodle suddenly unloads on his friend.
"My life is a mess," he says. "My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a Schnauzer, and I'm jittery as a cat."
"Why don't you see a psychiatrist?" suggests the Collie.
"I can't," says the Poodle. "I'm not allowed on the couch."
Three male dogs saw a beautiful poodle and each wanted her to himself. The poodle noticing this allowed them to approach her. Being as cunning as she was, she said who ever can put the words liver and cheese in an original sentence can go out with me. The first dog- golden retriever, said "I love liver and cheese". "I don't think so", said the poodle. Next, the boxer said, "I love cheese and liver". "Not so original", said the poodle. Finally, the third dog who was the ever so famous taco bell chihuahua , raised his eyebrows and with a big grin went "liver alone, cheese mine!"
Two men are walking their dogs, a poodle and a German-shepherd. They decide they'd like to go into a cafe for a drink. "But we can't bring our dogs into that cafe," says the poodle's human. "Hey, no problem," says the German shepherd's owner. "Just watch this." He pulls out a pair of sunglasses and walks into the cafe. "Hey, no dogs!" yells the café owner. "But this is a seeing-eye dog," says the German shepherd's human. The café owner apologizes and shows them to a chair. So, the poodle owner decides to follow suit, whips out his sunglasses, and walks into the bar. "Hey, no dogs!" yells the café owner. "But this is a seeing-eye dog," says the poodle's human. The bartender objects, "Hey, poodles can't be seeing-eye dogs!" The poodle owner gasps, "Poodle? They told me they were giving me a German shepherd!"